This is it. In two times 24 hours my days as a stay home mom is over. Im too anxious to sleep. Stuff runs across my mind unintentionally at these unwanted times, some sepele things. Like when to buy that nursing apron, how to fasten the infant car seat, which lunchbox should I use, will I make it having lunch on the road, to chase for breastfeeding time with Nouman once he is at his Nanny in Malkkontemon, should I brief her first and bring along the bottle warmers and tools prior dropping him off on his first day ?
The routine I can only imagine now in my head-having bathed Nouman at around 6, wake up at 5 for prayers, getting dressed, put on make up, prep myself for early office hours and a long road journey to drop off our son at what I trust as a most trusted far-related family with years of child care taking experience exactly at 7am. Then have me drop off by 730 am just in time for the 745 morning briefings before my hubby drives further along the same route to his campus. For afternoon break, Id fill our lunchboxes with home-made dish by Bu Heri who’s cooking is sold at a small parking lot space at my office, for me to eat on the road and for my Husband to bring back to his workplace and eat.
That, in addition to my commitment to a pumping schedule to chase breastmilk storage supply so I could deliver to the Nanny enough for the afternoon I leave him for work. I plan to use the frozen bottled ASI I’ve had so far, before switching to give him fresh fridge-cold milk which requires a more advanced ASIP management skills. Not to worry, that would be my next target.
Apart from the gleeful scholarship result which sadly dont make an appearance, yet. *still hopeful* I have to cherish this other milestone of mine.. Having nursed Nouman over this past two months have been a bliss. Yes I had the baby blues. The wince and unbelievable pain during the first couple of week of breastfeeding, my sudden wrist and joints sore from cradling, panda eyes, loose limbs ad what it seems like a never-ending tiresome nights which I used to dread. I shed tears. Feeling incapable and helpless when my son cries, sometimes even the thought of him hating me occured. His back arches, he cries when being fed, I cant soothe him to sleep by holding-unlike his dad. I remembered counting down the clock and prepared myself mentally when the sun is down and the clock reached 6pm. Knowing however bad the night will be, I’d still survived it.
The bliss is feeling finally getting the hang of it. Having resolved his crying issues and knowing what your child wants, and being able to attend to him promptly and correctly. Realizing he’s getting so much smarter and mature each passing week. Even his cries is now only a subtle calling for attention – eh eh – cries. Understanding his habit (still attached to swings and arms cradle), tracking his sleep, eat, poop, play cycle and making the most of each. But most of all, above anything else, is witnessing him happy, smiling, and laughing.
Those toothless smiles for one is priceless as it really does wonders, him sucking peacefully in your dekapan warms every inch of your organs, the soft coos and gurggles when he’s trying so hard to speak (eyes intensly looking back, fists on his chest or holding his shirt, and legs unintentionally folded upwards towards his stomach), him craining his neck and eyes wild in wonder looking full of interest in his surroundings when he is alert and about, him peacefully sleeping in your arms with mouth opened, him menggeliat secara menggemaskan when he’s awake, him pulling off from you after a feed, berdecap and eyes closed looking full and satisfied, and his other endless cute acts and expressions wills a great desire to be a better parent. And with God’s will, I will be able to accompany him through his later development and witness his life milestones. Inshaallah.
Nouman, ditinggal kerja umur 2 bulan 5 hari =)
