Finished my second gre test with the result one last digit less than my previous score. Turns out me in a pregnant state with time to spare to study, achieved slightly more than me, who have had a baby, but constantly thinking of that precious little bundle of joy I left back at home.. his head moving from side to side, tiny tongue trying to stick out, placing his little fist to his mouth and nuzzling against my breasts.. oh i miss breastfeeding him.
It is the second time I left him for 2 nights in Jakarta. On my quest for overseas scholarships. I cant be more thankful that I have the opportunity of being shortlisted for two most prestigious ones. At the same time, being remorseful that it has to happen when I had him, at this moment most likely in his grandmother’s assistance having his afternoon bath.
Being here apart from him made me realize how much he feeds actually. Every time I pump I can collect more than a 240ml capacity bottle can. Its been a long time since my breast was this full and hard and leaking. Hope my ample supply of breastmilk in the fridge is enough. Kept praying that he is well there, and so is his grandparents taking care of him while I’m away. Which kept me thinking, am I being inconsiderate ?
I have never been this less excited, and I thought I was a relatively ambitious person. Seeing the excitement filling my fellow scholarship awardee in the group, planning trips, visiting sights, what they would miss, what they plan on bringing.. This lack of eagerness towards something new also affects me now, the old me would've chased that well-known restaurant nearby that she read in the airplane magazine and not spend the entire rest of the day back in the hotel room browsing babycentre.co and only occasionally read awardees experience on blogs for preparation on my next selection phase.
I called mum and am so glad to hear hows Nouman been doing. He’s great and not so fussy baby. Occasionally I pause to look at his pictures on my mobile phone just to relieve the longing for him, sometimes I tweak the pictures and post it up as my profile pic in various 'medsos'. Typical. Lol. Its been great having him. Its a marvelous feeling being a mom. Hes the most blessed miracle in the world for me..
Anyway, I pray everything works out the best it can. Its important for me to give my best in what I am supposedly spending the time for and let God do the rest. Sometimes I cant wait for all these to be over to see what is in store for my little family in the future, where our next adventure is, how our lives will unravel and how we will cherish and marvel it together, be it watching over the sunset at the Sydney Harbour ? or looking down over the most vibrant times square next new year’s eve in NYC ?
lol. One could dream, couldnt they? Bismillahitawakaltualallah. I lay my faith in You.
It is the second time I left him for 2 nights in Jakarta. On my quest for overseas scholarships. I cant be more thankful that I have the opportunity of being shortlisted for two most prestigious ones. At the same time, being remorseful that it has to happen when I had him, at this moment most likely in his grandmother’s assistance having his afternoon bath.
Being here apart from him made me realize how much he feeds actually. Every time I pump I can collect more than a 240ml capacity bottle can. Its been a long time since my breast was this full and hard and leaking. Hope my ample supply of breastmilk in the fridge is enough. Kept praying that he is well there, and so is his grandparents taking care of him while I’m away. Which kept me thinking, am I being inconsiderate ?
I have never been this less excited, and I thought I was a relatively ambitious person. Seeing the excitement filling my fellow scholarship awardee in the group, planning trips, visiting sights, what they would miss, what they plan on bringing.. This lack of eagerness towards something new also affects me now, the old me would've chased that well-known restaurant nearby that she read in the airplane magazine and not spend the entire rest of the day back in the hotel room browsing babycentre.co and only occasionally read awardees experience on blogs for preparation on my next selection phase.
I called mum and am so glad to hear hows Nouman been doing. He’s great and not so fussy baby. Occasionally I pause to look at his pictures on my mobile phone just to relieve the longing for him, sometimes I tweak the pictures and post it up as my profile pic in various 'medsos'. Typical. Lol. Its been great having him. Its a marvelous feeling being a mom. Hes the most blessed miracle in the world for me..
Anyway, I pray everything works out the best it can. Its important for me to give my best in what I am supposedly spending the time for and let God do the rest. Sometimes I cant wait for all these to be over to see what is in store for my little family in the future, where our next adventure is, how our lives will unravel and how we will cherish and marvel it together, be it watching over the sunset at the Sydney Harbour ? or looking down over the most vibrant times square next new year’s eve in NYC ?
lol. One could dream, couldnt they? Bismillahitawakaltualallah. I lay my faith in You.
